FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER - PART 2
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is theability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another personpleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are theywrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think aboutthe following:
How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc..
How do they treat their parents and siblings?Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude forthe people who have given them everything;
Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treatsothers poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this personafter we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention oftrying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mineputs it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for theworse' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, thenyou are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The keyis to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure toask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love isa great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don'twant to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance..
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at leastminimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-goinganywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which onesdiscourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones aregoing downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feelworse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, orappreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and trutharound you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sitin the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open,and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get involved and make acommitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity,ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind towarning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you canchange someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won'tfind yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness orresponsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrongreasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentmentwithdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.