FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER - PART 1
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no onewants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, itappears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to findingMr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the #1 mistake people makewhen they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a profound truthhere. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the resultof a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the lovewill come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship onlove alone'; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious aboutfinding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan todo with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need toshare something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) you can grow apart.
50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, youneed to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone whowants the same thing.
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with thisperson?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feelingsafe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of havinggood communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get 'punished'; orhurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of minedefines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to expressyour thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can youtest? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on aregular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher ofmine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be goodand do the right ';.So ask about your Significant other: What do they dowith their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialisticperson is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfortahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking downthe aisle.